Falling From Grace
by Lola-2011
Summary: Skye wonders if she can continue her life without Jax.


Falling From Grace  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine!  
  
{This story is told in Skye's point of view. It takes place after Jax was shot at the cottage.}  
  
How did it ever come to this? When did things change? I'm sitting here looking around my home, well the place I used to call my home. True I still live here day in and day out but it's just a house, nothing makes it home to me, not since that day. He walked out of here vibrant, blissful and so full of life, not knowing what the day would cost us. I loved him.  
  
I don't know why he didn't tell me, it would have made things a lot easier, a lot less painful finding out the way I did. I keep telling myself that's why I may never be able to fully forgive him for what he did to me. I broke down the walls around my heart and handed it over to him, He gave meaning to my life, he was what I woke up for in the morning. I loved him.  
  
He mended my heart from all the breaks that it had accumulated over the years only for him to turn around and smash into a million pieces. I thought he understood me, why I did the things I did and how sometimes I couldn't help it. I guess I was wrong, never will I again open my heart up to someone as long as I live. Love equals heartache, that's the same lesson I keep learning. I loved him.  
  
The bottle of vodka I hold in my hand has all the answers in it, or so it seems. All I have to do is twist the lid off, raise it to my lips, open my mouth, pour it in and swallow. It's that simple. Now all I have to do is put my plan into action. Slowly I twist the cap off, tossing it aside, I look at the bottle long and hard debating on what I should do. I loved him.  
  
I raise my hand up higher until the bottle is even with my mouth. I close my eyes and try to remember all the good things, all the good times we shared together but, I can't, I just can't, everything is clouded by that day, that horrible day that he walked out of my life forever. There's no other choice and I think I'm justified for what I'm about to do. I loved him.  
  
"Skye, don't do this, don't do this to yourself". I clamp my eyes shut but the voice only gets louder. "Skye, please". I can't take it any longer, I raise the bottle up to my mouth, the cold glass touching my outer lips, I began to turn the bottle up, a force rips it from my hands, making it fly through the air, hitting the floor, the contents splatter and glass goes flying. Why didn't I take the drink? I loved him.  
  
I stand here, glass covering the floor, vodka staining my clothes and the only thing I can bring myself to think of is him and how my life means nothing without him here with me. Things would be drastically different now, we could have had a honeymoon, a great start on a new life, hope for the future . I loved him.  
  
I just want it all to go away, the pain, the misery, the heartache and damaged soul. Nothing will or can ever be the same not while I still draw breath. She came to me shortly afterwards, she told me that he said he loved me and that he always would. Even with his confession I still feel betrayed and but I want him so much. I loved him.  
  
How can I feel this way? I'm furious with him at walking out of my life and yet I need him so much that I can't move on. When push comes to shove, honesty, loyalty, trust and faith mean nothing, they're just mere words we toss out amongst ourselves to make us feel superior. I loved him.  
  
I'm angry at myself, I'm angry at him and I'm angry at the world. I've been like this for so long that I don't know what happy feels like anymore. They say love can build bridges but it also tears lives apart, people apart and all I'm left with here is a memory. A memory of what I had, what I lost and what I used to be. I am nothing without him, without his love I'm no different from anyone else. I loved him.  
  
I want revenge, I want justice, I want payback. I want my life back to the way it was. I would even settle for what things were like when I first arrived here in Port Charles only if it would bring Jax back. I lost the only good thing I had in my life, I lost Jax because of Brenda Barrett. I loved him  
  
I shouldn't be so dense, it wasn't Brenda's fault, and I have no right taking it out on her. After all she didn't know what was going to happen that day, no one did. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and change things that I did wrong, sometimes I wish I could change things we did wrong, but I always wish that we were still together. I loved him.  
  
All the would have beens, should have beens and could have beens, no longer matter. For when you lose the one you love the only thing you want to do is crawl in a hole and die. He was my white knight, my soulmate, my bestfriend. Things will never be the same without him. I loved him.  
  
His death ripped my world apart and maybe the grieving can now come to an end. I'll never forget the funeral, the rain that poured down, the looks of pity, Father dragging me away from the cemetery. That was the day my heart broke and my world ended. Tonight I've realized something very important, death is the only way out. I love you, Jax.  
  
The End!!!!!!!!  
  
Please be kind and review:D 


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